First Love Lost: The Lioness' Tale
by DazzledByTheNorthman
Summary: Hermione Granger reflects on the loss of her first love. Companion Piece to New Love Lost: The Serpent’s Tale.


Disclaimer: All things Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling

Summary: Hermione Granger reflects on the loss of her first love.

Dumbledore always told Harry that love would conquer Voldermort, that love would be what helped to ultimately vanquish evil.

I remembered back to the night it began; it was in my 6th year, I had gone to Professor Snape's office to ask him for clarification of one of the essays he had set for homework. As he was explaining a particular property to me, he suddenly hissed, clutched his left arm with his right hand and told me that we would have to continue the discussion the next day. With that, he left the room. I knew what this meant; he had just been summoned by Voldermort.

I made my way to the Headmaster's office and informed him of what I had seen. He thanked me and said that Severus had alerted him by Floo just before he left the grounds and apparated. I looked at Dumbledore and asked "Why do you let him do this? Why do you allow him to put himself in such grave danger?" He looked at me over his glasses and said "Ms. Granger, those of us who regret our past actions will do almost anything to try to make things right." He looked tired and sad as he said these words.

As I sat staring at the Fireplace, I could not help but think of how incredibly brave Severus Snape was and that so few people knew this. They all suspect him, believe he is a traitor and he bears the brunt of suspicion from both sides. Within the Order of the Phoenix, the side of the Light; there were still people who did not trust him. Even though he was a skilled Occlumens and could keep his thoughts from Voldermort, the Dark Lord obviously still had his doubts; what kind of leader would he be if he didn't mistrust a 'deserter who re-enlists'?

I must have fallen asleep in the chair before the fire because the next thing I remembered was being shaken awake by Dumbledore. "Ms. Granger, it is time for you to return to your dormitory." "Has the Professor returned? Is he safe?" I asked still groggy from sleep. "I have and relatively." came the low murmur from the armchair next to me. I looked up to see who had spoken and found myself face to face with the Potions' Master. We stared at each other for a few moments before averting our gazes. "Severus, please see that Ms. Granger reaches her dormitory safely." With that we left the Headmaster's office. As I followed him down the corridor leading away from the office, I spoke softly to his back, "Thank you." He turned slowly and looked at me for a long time before acknowledging me with a quick nod of his head. I thought of how lonely his existence must be. His only real solace his books about the subject he loved so much; potions. Before he could turn away from me and before I lost my nerve, I reached out and grasped his arm, the left one where I knew the mark lay. His gaze moved from my face to his arm and back to my face, the question in his eyes going unspoken due to his shock at being touched by me and I suspected being touched by anyone. I did the only thing that I could; I stepped closer to him, looked into his eyes and laid bare my soul. I could see from the various emotions that flitted across his face that it was difficult for him to reconcile what I was showing him with the Hermione Granger that he knew whose seemingly only goals in life were to answer every question he ever asked in class and write feet long essays for every assignment he gave. What I showed him was a girl who had grown into a woman. I was no longer the girl with the buck teeth fearing her Potion's Master; but a young woman today older beyond her years thanks to a full year's use of a time-turner. I was a woman who admired his intelligence and skill and respected and appreciated the sacrifice that he was making to atone for his sins and to do what he could to bring about the defeat of the Dark Lord. I showed him a woman who wanted to offer him solace and comfort. The look on his face was pained and I feared that he would blatantly reject me and report me to the Headmaster or worse give me detention. He did none of those things, he remained staring at me and I took his silence as an invitation to be brave; I stepped closer to him. He stiffened. I brought my free hand up and slowly cupped his cheek with my palm. His reaction to the simple touch broke my heart; he reacted the way a dog who has been neglected and devoid of human contact for a very long time would; first skittish as they no longer know how to react to touch, then frozen as they are unable to believe that they are being touched, then relief and contentment as the memory of how good it feels to actually be touched comes flooding back to them. I felt the moment that memory returned to him. The stiffness left his body and he turned his cheek into my palm and closed his eyes, just savoring the sensation. We stayed like that for a while and then he opened his eyes and looked at me. Really looked at me. Then the man that everyone thought of as hard, cold, arrogant and snide laid himself before this young presumptuous Gryffindor and opened his arms to me. The simple act spoke volumes. It asked, can you take all that I am, flaws, misguided youth, past evil deeds, dubious reputation? Do you want me? It was also him saying to me, yes, I want your comfort; I want you to be my solace. With one single movement, I, Hermione Granger answered every one of those questions; I stepped into his embrace.

That night I gave myself to this brave man in more ways than one. Yes, I gave him my body, my virginity, my innocence, but I also gave him something that no one else had ever given him, solace. From that day we met in secret, I claimed to anyone who asked that I was working on extra assignments for extra credit. Then the one thing that neither of us planned on happened, we fell in love. We realized it at the same time, we had been strolling the grounds late one night under an invisibility spell both looking at the stars when we saw the trail of a shooting star arcing across the night sky. I knew then that I loved him. Later in his chambers, he presented me with a ring; it was charmed to appear to only us as a silver Slytherin serpent whose eyes were two glittering emeralds. To anyone else who looked at it, they would see a gold ring with the head of a Gryffindor with two sparkling rubies for eyes. In turn I fashioned him the matching gold Gryffindor ring which to everyone else but us would look like a silver serpent. We kept an invisibility glamour on the rings at all times except for when we were with each other to deter awkward inquiries.

That time with him was bliss, I saw so many other sides to him, I saw his gentleness, patience, love and kindness. I feared more and more for his safety now truly understanding the sheer treacherousness of his position going into the lair of the Dark Lord. I saw how worried he was for Draco Malfoy as he knew that soon very soon, Draco would be forced to pledge his allegiance to the Dark Lord. He worried about me and how close I was with Harry and that he knew that that would mean that I would be there right next to him at the Final Battle. He asked me to promise him that no matter what happened to him that I would fight until the very end to ensure that Voldermort was vanquished. The alone time with him had been idyllic, our own paradise smack in the middle of the chaos of war. When he was not working for the Order, being summoned by the Dark Lord or teaching classes, we apparated to his home; a house in Ireland which was Unplottable and was not connected to the Floo. There he was finally at ease and free to be himself; where I called him 'Sev' and he called me 'Mine'. It was the one place where we did not need to hide our love. He knew that the day was coming when he would be summoned for longer periods so we used the Protean charm on our rings to alert the other that they were doing well, or thinking about the other, or just to say I love you.

The days after Albus' death and Severus' fleeing were the hardest for me. Obviously I knew that this had to be something which he and Albus must have planned and I realized that he could not have made me aware of it as he must have taken an Unbreakable Vow. For days I put on a brave face as I listened to others continue to malign his character. They looked at me and thought that as Harry Potter's best friend I was obviously distraught over the Headmaster's murder. I stubbornly refused to refer to it as murder but as death. If people saw me constantly rubbing the fingers of my left hand they thought nothing of it, they determined that it must be a sign of my grief and distress. I was grieving for the Headmaster, but I was distressed because of what all of his machinations and manipulation had led to, the man that I loved was on the run, deemed a murderer. Then came the attack when we were leaving Harry's relatives, the death of Mad-Eye Moody, the injury to George, the attack on the Burrow that had left me, Harry and Ron on the run. Still I held firm. Still I stayed strong. The near miss at the Ministry, being on the run in the Forrest of Dean, I held fast. The day I let go was the day Ron deserted us. How could he? It was supposed to be the 3 of us! I felt that with one of our trio gone, everything was against us and that we would be unable to vanquish the Dark Lord. Had we come this far for nothing? Was it all for naught? I was desolate and inconsolable, Harry thought that I was crying for Ron, but I was crying for my love. I wanted to feel his comfort, his arms wrapped around me and his hands smoothing my hair in the way he knew calmed me. I wanted to lay my palm on his cheek in the way that I knew comforted him. A while later when Harry had gone for a walk my love came to me. He told me that he was helping us and then he would have to go. We made love; rushed, hurried, frantic and passionate; the love that people make when they believe that they may not see each other for a long time or never again. The last words he told me were that he loved me and that I was his solace.

Now, here I sit, looking at my hands. My ring is visible for the world to see. Upon his death, the spell that he used to charm it ceased to function. I can now proudly do in death what I could not do when he was alive, proclaim to the world that we are each other's. I am glad that I got to love him. I am happy that we were able to have a happy life together no matter how short it may have been. I am happy that now that the Dark Lord has been vanquished that all will know that he was a hero. That our son will know that his father was no coward and that the world will know that I was and am proud to call Severus Snape my husband. The letter that Dumbledore left as well as the various memories that both he and Severus left to me in the Pensieve will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt the pivotal role my husband played in this war and that he was firmly planted on the side of the Light. Our wedding certificate, with Dumbledore and one of his colleagues on the Wizengomot as our witnesses will stand as a testament of our love and commitment to each other.

I remembered my numbing grief but also my pride at seeing what had happened to my love, my hero in the Shrieking Shack. My resolve to obey my promise to him and to carry on with the fight until the very end no matter what, is the only thing that allowed me to leave him there, so that it would not all be in vain. I said a silent goodbye and I love you to him before going back down the tunnel. I remembered returning to the Shrieking Shack and taking his body back to our home. That was his wish, to be buried where he had enjoyed the last few months with me; where he had laughed and loved with me and where he will be able to hear the laughter of our son as he plays outdoors. My one regret was that he never got to know that our last night together, when he provided Harry with Gryffindor's sword was the night that our love conceived our son.

Now here I am receiving an Order of Merlin Second Class for my part in vanquishing the Dark Lord. After he places the medal around my neck, there is a pause and then the Ministry official announces, "…and in recognition of a true fallen hero, the Order of Merlin First Class is awarded posthumously to Severus Tobias Snape, accepting on his behalf is his wife, Hermione Granger-Snape. As I walk across the stage to the stunned reaction of the audience, I smile secure in the knowledge that he will always be my solace.

Now here I sit on the steps of our home in Ireland watching the little boy who looks so much like his father, lying on his blanket in the shade of a tree. He has his father's obsidian eyes and his raven hair, but the features were mostly mine. When he smiles though, it's like Severus is smiling at me. I look at our son, Severus Remus Fred Granger-Snape as he laughs in fascination at the sunbeams playing across his blanket and for just a fleeting moment I could almost hear the answering laughter of my first love.


End file.
